As a fan of M.C. Escher, Sharon Chadwick looked forward to visiting Denver’s Museum of Illusions for her birthday weekend. The office administrator also said she’s excited to hike Red Rocks for picnics this summer. For many, these adventures may seem ordinary. But for Chadwick, the anticipation is a night and day difference from her “cold, alone and depressed” feelings not too long ago. Chadwick had been struggling with addiction to one of the most devastating drugs causing a steady rise in overdose deaths: fentanyl.
“I feel like it definitely has a tighter grip on people than any other drug ever has,” Chadwick said. “With fentanyl, it was way different. It’s almost like taking a backseat in your own brain. And the driver is just like, ‘Drugs, drugs, drugs.’ And until you get sober, you’re not consciously aware of the turmoil you’ve caused.”
The synthetic opioid is up to 100 times more potent than morphine, making it extremely addictive and possibly lethal even in doses as small as two milligrams. Overdoses have increased nationally and statewide, as over half of Denver’s 522 drug deaths in 2023 involved fentanyl. But those who use the drug don’t always do so willingly. Over the past several years, it has become more commonly mixed with other illicit party drugs and has adulterated most of the street drug supply. Fentanyl can be cheaply produced, driving the “fourth wave” of the opioid crisis as it’s often mixed with stimulants like cocaine and meth. Adam Kimber, executive director of Untethered Recovery, said the rise is in part due to the low cost of the high as users can often get a pill for only a couple of dollars.
“It’s so highly addictive that if they just put a little bit of the fentanyl into a Xanax, even though the Xanax really isn’t doing what it should, it would keep them hooked and coming back to the dealer,” Kimber said. “So we have people that come in for the first time, we give them an analysis test. And they swear they’ve never consumed fentanyl, and they’re testing positive for fentanyl.”
As is the case for many opioids, someone who uses fentanyl has usually used other substances beforehand and escalated their use. Substance abuse of any drug is often a symptom of deeper causes, like physical or emotional pain.
“It’s important to note that fentanyl, just like alcoholism or any addiction, they’re all symptoms. So there are underlying issues that are going on that drives a person to use fentanyl,” Kimber said. “For one person, it might be trauma, they have a traumatic event or experience going on and they’re trying to mask that trauma.”
Chadwick said she never wanted to try or do drugs. However, trauma in her childhood and adult life led her to abuse prescription pain pills with her now ex-husband. This escalated to meth and a six-year cycle of addiction. During this point of her life, Chadwick experienced homelessness, lost custody of her children, and overdosed on heroin. These experiences pushed her to become sober. She was sober for several years but began to experience symptoms of relapse without her noticing.
“I didn’t realize how depressed and miserable I was. And then my mom passed away. And it kind of just was like the tipping point,” Chadwick said. “I ended up relapsing coincidentally with my ex-husband. So I hung out with him when he got out of prison, and he introduced me to fentanyl.”
Chadwick said fentanyl use drove her to do things she had never done on any other substance—like stealing wallets out of cars—and put her in terrifying situations. In a moment of clarity, she decided to get clean and seek treatment. For many addicts, this is just the first on a long list of external hurdles to sober living.
“Being labeled a fentanyl addict kind of pathologizes that person, and that person takes that label on, and then they have to live with that,” Kimber said. “They don’t want to come in and get a diagnosis.“
According to Kimber and Chadwick, the fear of judgment around not being able to stay sober can keep people away from seeking treatment, and prevent them from getting their lives back on track. Chadwick said she experienced this to an extent before moving to Denver.
“Montrose, where I’m from, is a pretty small town. I just have this preconceived notion of who I am down there, especially because in Montrose County, the sheriff’s department posts your warrants on Facebook, and your charges,” Chadwick said. “So everybody in Montrose knows everything I’ve ever done to get in trouble because it was blasted on Facebook.”
According to Chadwick, there were multiple hurdles to getting sober while she was living with the stigma in her hometown. It wasn’t until she moved to Denver that she was able to find a supportive community for her recovery.
“I just felt like I had the freedom to be who I am and not be held back by this stigma of what people expect or what they’ve heard or who they think I am. And I also have the choice to decide if it’s somebody’s business that I struggle with addiction. I don’t have to wear that everywhere I go,” Chadwick said. “I feel like there has to be somebody on the other side that’s helping you to get out of it.”
Several studies have shown how important human connection and a supportive community are for lasting addiction recovery. This became especially apparent during the COVID-19 lockdowns when social isolation and stress exacerbated drug use and overdoses. Colorado ranks among the worst states in the nation for mental health and addiction, with just under 20% of residents living with some kind of mental illness. Although the state is launching harm reduction programs to combat the problem, there is still a dearth of addiction treatment services.
“The opposite of addiction is connection. And so, so many people try to do it on their own, and they just, they’re not able to,” Kimber said. “The stigma comes from lack of education, from ignorance. Thinking is really hard, so it’s just easier to judge, right? So I would say instead of judging, be curious, ask questions about a person.”
For Chadwick, staying connected to her family and community is one of the key parts of her recovery, and what she does when she’s not working or in her intensive outpatient program.
“I think that’s one of the biggest parts of sobriety,” she said. “In my opinion, you have to consistently work on making your life sober, better than getting high. You have to keep reminding yourself, ‘This is why I’m sober.’”
In her free time, Chadwick visits her kids, hikes, enjoys the outdoors and works on her painting skills. She is still uncertain about what her schedule will look like a few months from now as she finishes her intensive outpatient program, but she is hopeful for herself and others.
“If I can get sober, anybody can get sober. And it’s the gifts of sobriety, like slowly but surely, you will start to regain everything you thought you lost forever. Like your kids or the job you want, or owning your own house. People go from being homeless to accomplishing what they’ve always wanted. And it’s just about finding your tribe and committing to yourself.”
