Denver survivor rebuilds after domestic violence case

Aspiring entrepreneur Karen Garibay’s relationship with Joan Jose Gonzalez began with plans for marriage. Garibay and Gonzalez had known each other online before becoming romantically involved in late 2023. Within months, Denver court records show, it had become a domestic violence case that ended with Gonzalez pleading guilty to assault.

“He arrived (from Las Vegas) Dec. 13, 2023,” Garibay said. “Everything was good at the beginning, you know, and we were making plans of getting married and moving in together and, you know, because we’ve been talking all these years.”

Bucket List Community News reviewed Denver County Court records showing that Gonzalez pleaded guilty in a 2024 domestic violence assault case involving Garibay. Court records also show a mandatory protection order was issued March 2, 2024, barring Gonzalez from contacting Garibay and requiring him to stay at least 100 yards away from her. 

Gonzalez was not contacted for comment because he is currently serving time at the Southern Desert Correctional Facility in Nevada for “Attempted Battery Causing Substantial Bodily Harm” in a separate case.

Garibay is among the 37% of women and 31% of men in Colorado who have experienced physical, sexual or stalking from an intimate partner. Looking back, Garibay said there were warning signs early on.

“He started to become very interested in my life, and even if I had a boyfriend, he would harass my boyfriend,” Garibay said. “He was claiming that I was gonna be his wife.”

Garibay said her previous partner became uncomfortable with Gonzalez’s persistence and ended the relationship.

“I had broken up with my ex, and I told him, ‘You made a mess of my relationship,’” Garibay said. “And he was like, ‘Because you were meant to be with me.’”

At the start of the relationship, Garibay said, she did not fully recognize the behavior as controlling.

“So after a while, you don’t see these red flags,” Garibay said. “Even when they’re there.”

Garibay eventually moved from her parents’ house into her friend Andrea Ledesma’s apartment after a conflict with her mother, who disapproved of Gonzalez.

“She was living with her mom first, and then she was having problems with her mom about Joan,” Ledesma said. “She was seeing red flags about him, and they were getting into arguments about it. So she called me and asked if she could stay with me for a while.”

Ledesma said the tension became visible almost immediately.

“They were arguing during the whole time they were there with me,” Ledesma said.

She also noticed changes in Garibay’s behavior.

“She got more quiet,” Ledesma said. “She would be asleep before I even got home. And it made me weird about it. And then the day when I actually saw it happen, it was shocking.”

Ledesma said she returned home one day and found damage in her bathroom, along with blood.

“I was seeing red dots everywhere, and I asked him, ‘Hey, do you guys know what happened? Why is there a hole in my bathroom door, and why are there so many red spots everywhere?’” Ledesma said. “She told me, ‘I was bleeding through my nose.’”

The incident that led Ledesma to call police came when she said she walked in and saw Gonzalez assaulting Garibay.

“I walked in. Karen was on the couch, and he was on top of her physically punching her on the sides of the arms and everywhere,” Ledesma said. “I went outside, and what I did was call the cops. And I called her mom and dad to come over.”

Court records show Gonzalez pleaded guilty to assault in the March 2024 domestic violence case. He was sentenced to 12 months of supervised probation and ordered to follow standard terms and conditions, complete a domestic violence evaluation and treatment plan, have no further violations and abide by the mandatory protection order.

After Gonzalez’s arrest, Ledesma moved from Colorado to Indiana. She did not know it would be the last time she would hear from her friend for months.

In September 2024, Garibay’s family reported to Aurora police that she had been taken across state lines. An Aurora police report listed the reported offense as “kidnap adult,” but Aurora police later said the report was made by a family member and that investigators found no probable cause for an arrest. No charges were filed in that case.

Garibay said she returned to Colorado nearly a month later.

Garibay said Gonzalez used the Spanish phrase “ya me la robé al rancho” to describe what had happened. She explained the phrase as a cultural expression referring to a man taking a woman away to start a life together, but said Gonzalez treated it as something literal and coercive.

“Sometimes we do want a man that has the guts to get what they want,” Garibay said. “But this was aggressive — assertive. And sometimes women don’t see that.”

Garibay said she now understands that she had romanticized behavior that, from the outside, could be recognized as obsessive or controlling. Natasha Adler, a domestic violence expert and program director at the Rose Andom Center, said that is common in abusive relationships.

“The survivor might think, ‘He’s doing this because he cares about me,’ or romanticize it as passion or assertiveness, when it’s really about control,” Adler said. “Sometimes society romanticizes assertiveness in men as a positive trait, even when it crosses into harmful control. That’s why it’s so hard for survivors to recognize the red flags.”

Garibay said the signs became clearer only in retrospect. At the time, she said, she often felt sympathy for Gonzalez.

Adler said abusive relationships often include a “repair” phase that keeps survivors in the cycle.

“After the abusive event, there has to be some sort of repair to keep the survivor in the cycle,” Adler said. “The repair phase can look like remorse — ‘I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again’ — or blame-shifting — ‘If you didn’t dress that way, I wouldn’t have to act this way.’”

When Garibay returned to Colorado, she said she knew she had to begin rebuilding her life. In January 2025, she became involved with Visión en Movimiento, a leadership program that helped her think about what she wanted next.

“It’s a workshop where they hold the mirror up in your face and they show you the parts that you don’t want to see,” Garibay said. “So when I went in there, they could have been like, ‘Oh, well, you look weak, you look soft, you look broken.’ Because that’s how people are perceiving me.”

Adler said people supporting a survivor should avoid judgment, shame or pressure.

“The one thing that I would say to anybody who’s trying to support somebody who is experiencing domestic violence is to always approach without any sort of judgment,” Adler said. “They are already thinking, ‘I’m not that girl. I thought that I knew better. Why did I pick this person? Why am I staying so long?’ So that feedback can be harmful and make them want to isolate themselves.”

Visión en Movimiento became a source of encouragement for Garibay. Through the program, she connected with others and participated in community service projects.

“When you go through the last portion of Visión en Movimiento, you connect with the community,” Garibay said.

That portion of the program is called a “Legacy.” Garibay began her Legacy project in April as part of a team renovating a Salvation Army food area.

“Our goal was to remodel the whole food area because it was a complete mess,” Garibay said. “We wanted to fix a wall, a window, and we cleaned the wall.”

Garibay’s team sold burritos to raise money for the project. The experience helped spark an idea for her own business. Before the abuse, Garibay had begun working in holistic health. After returning to Colorado, she decided to pursue her own business focused on natural remedies.

“I was just buying and doing different stuff, getting my little office ready over here with my different clients,” Garibay said.

Garibay later began selling burritos to raise money for her own business. She said she now has clients and has started the process of forming an LLC for Equilibria Natural Health.

“I’m working on making the LLC, making the website before everything is launched,” Garibay said. “But I already have clients and reliable plans that have been working for me for three years.”

For Adler, recovery after domestic violence does not look the same for every survivor. Resources and advocates can help, she said, but survivors remain the experts on their own lives.

“First and foremost, survivors know their situation better than anybody else, better than their friends, better than law enforcement, better than advocates,” Adler said. “Domestic violence is all about context.”

That context includes identity, culture and how survivors move through systems after trauma, Adler said.

“It really matters to take into account gender and race and not only how important it is to not be biased towards those things, but to also center how important a person’s identity is to them and how they’re experiencing trauma,” Adler said. “How they’re going to move through systems, not only in that moment, but moving forward.”

For Garibay, moving forward now means building something that belongs to her: a business, a future and a life no longer defined by what happened to her.

“I’m gonna go back into doing what I want with my appointments and my health stuff,” Garibay said. “It’s just very, very relieving and, at the same time, a confirmation that God has always been there for me because there was a point where I was in the car and I was like, ‘This is going to be it.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, text START to 88788 or visit thehotline.org. In Denver, the Rose Andom Center connects survivors with advocacy, legal, housing and support services.